In our current 2025 society, it seems to me that fatherhood is often relegated to disciplinarianism. It’s a father’s job to be the heavy, if you will. To do the punishing when his kids step out of line. With this idea in mind, it is no wonder people sometimes have trouble picturing God as a good and loving father–surely there is more to the Heavenly Father than someone who punishes us when we step out of line. But He is a good and loving father, and I think to see God like the loving father He is, it is helpful to take a look at what the Bible itself has to say about what a father is and/or should be. And in addition, fathers can look to descriptions of our Heavenly Father in order to become better dads to their children.
Perhaps one of the most important things to know in regards to parenthood in general, is that children are a blessing in which to find delight, or great pleasure. A father is meant to be pleased with his children. Proverbs 23:24 says, “The father of a righteous son will rejoice greatly, and one who fathers a wise son will delight in him.” Proverbs 3:11-12 says, “My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline or be weary of his reproof, for the Lord reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights.” We will come back to these verses to unpack them further, but in both we find this concept of delight from a father. Psalm 127:3-5 takes it even further, saying, “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.” Not only should a father delight in his children, they are a reward for him, a heritage. Children are arrows in the quiver of a warrior–that’s where the warrior’s power and strength comes from: his weapon! A father will not be “put to shame” as he will have children in which to be proud. If we replace father with Heavenly Father in this scenario and see ourselves as His children, we get an expanded view on how God sees and feels about us. Our heavenly father delights in us, is proud of us, rejoices over us, and sees us as arrows in His quiver.
Not only does a father take joy in his children, but he is also compassionate. Psalm 103:13 says, “As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him.” This is a really important character quality to keep in mind, especially when we have to discipline our children, and especially when considering how the Heavenly Father feels about and deals with us as His children.
Let’s look back again at Proverbs 3:11-12, “My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline or be weary of his reproof, for the Lord reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights.” This verse indicates that proof of this love and delight that a Father has for his children and the Heavenly Father has for us, involves discipline and reproof. The Bible uses this word, “discipline” a lot. Hebrews 12:7 says, “It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline?” We see that idea again in Ephesians 6:4: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord,” and again in Proverbs 13:24, “Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.” But what is discipline? It is easy to look at these ideas with a reductionist mindset. To pass quick judgement. We might say, yep, there it is, fathers punish. But in reality, there is more than one definition of discipline. Yeshua didn’t call his twelve “disciples” because he punished them for disobedience. He called them disciples because he discipled them. He trained them spiritually and mentally through teaching, experience, and by example. Do we often have to live with the consequences of an unwise or ungodly decision, sure. But there is more to how God trains us. He teaches. And we see that this is an act of love. And going back to Ephesians, we see too that this idea of discipline is not intended to provoke our children to anger. He mentions this again in Colossians 3:21: “Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.” There is no need to pick fights or start arguments, but instead to instruct, to bring them up in the Lord and His word. We can speak lovingly and gently to our children. And dads, just to throw this in there, to provoke can also mean to annoy. We all know how some of you love to mess with your kids, but teasing them until they’re discouraged or angry does not bring about anything helpful or positive. I don’t think you would appreciate being teased and messed with by God. He is trying to show you love and gentle instruction, not to get a rise out of you.
This next one isn’t about how Fathers interact with their children directly, but it is just as important. Fathers should strive to be righteous as their children will benefit from a father’s righteousness. Proverbs 20:7 says, “The righteous who walks in his integrity— blessed are his children after him!” And in Proverbs 14:26, we read, “In the fear of the Lord one has strong confidence, and his children will have a refuge.” When a man walks in integrity and in fear of the Lord, his children are blessed and find refuge. In Genesis 18:19 we learn that God chose Abraham to “command his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing righteousness and justice…” It’s an interesting word choice “command” because the verse doesn’t say that Abraham commanded his family with force or punishment, but by doing the right thing himself–by being a righteous and just man.
A father instructs and brings his children up in the Word. Proverbs 4:1-9 says, “Hear, O sons, a father’s instruction, and be attentive, that you may gain insight, for I give you good precepts; do not forsake my teaching. When I was a son with my father, tender, the only one in the sight of my mother, he taught me and said to me, “Let your heart hold fast my words; keep my commandments, and live. Get wisdom; get insight; do not forget, and do not turn away from the words of my mouth.”” While this verse initially sounds like instruction for the son to be attentive, we should not overlook the instruction for the father to provide insight and to teach the Lord’s commandments and precepts to the son. And of course we cannot forget the age old Proverb 22:6, “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” We recite Deuteronomy 6 on a regular basis, reminding ourselves to “teach (the commandments) diligently to our children.” In this way, a father disciples his children, teaching them discipline in their own lives through keeping the Lord’s commandments.
And last but not least, and what may be my favorite verse on both good fatherhood and the character of God, Matthew 7:9-11 says, “…which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!” Fathers, both earthly and heavenly, have an obligation to shape their children into the good, Godly people they are meant to become. Father’s must instruct and discipline, have compassion for and delight in their children. They should lead by example and treat their children with respect instead of provocation. But when all is said and done, a Biblical father knows how to do right by his children because he sees how his Heavenly Father does right by him. If our earthly fathers and our God were simply tyrannical punishers, why would they bother providing and giving good gifts to their children? So take joy in your children, and remember that the God who made the world and everything in it, takes joy in you.
