You have probably heard the saying that you are the sum of the five people that you hang out with most. Now, is five the exact right number? Who could say, but the idea of being the average of those you spend the most time with IS true. In fact, 1 Corinthians 15:33 says, “Bad company corrupts good character.” Then, in Proverbs 22:24–25, we are told to “Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man, lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare.” In these two verses we can see how important it is that we are particular about who we befriend, and who we spend a majority of our time hanging out with or talking to. We can see that the bad kind of friends will be people who corrupt our character. So what does a good friend do then? Let’s look at what the Bible has to say about it.
If bad company corrupts good character, it would make sense to say that good company can enhance good character. In Colossians 3:12, Paul instructs the people of God to “Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience…” There is your good character. And then, “…bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.” There is your good friend: someone who helps carry your burdens, forgives, and binds together with love.
But what does this love look like? In John 15:12, Yeshua says, “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.” Does this mean we have to die in order to be a good friend? Or that our friends are only good to us if they die for us? Of course not. Sometimes, laying one’s life down can look like cancelling plans in order to be with a friend in need. Philippians 2:3 takes this even further saying, “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.” Good friends don’t do things for their own selfish reasons or to build their egos. They will do loving things in humility. If we go back to that passage in John 15, Yeshua goes on to say to his disciples, “I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.” They way I interpret this is that friends share with each other the things they are learning and the revelations the Lord is showing them. They don’t withhold insight or wisdom. What a good friend hears from the Father, they make known to those they call friend.
Proverbs 27 is another great wealth of information regarding friendship. Verses 5-6 say, “Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.” We can see here that the mark of a true friend is that they will rebuke you, or call you out when they see you behaving in an ungodly or unwise manner. It is because of the love and respect they have for you that will lovinginly bring something to your attention. It may feel wounding at the moment but but it is actually faithfulness on their part. In verse 9, we read, “Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel.” Again, we see that friendship is often about advice and council along with rebuke.
It is important to remember that as much as a good friend should be honest and hold you accountable, it is just as important to do these things in a kind and loving way. Job 6:14 says that: “He who withholds kindness from a friend forsakes the fear of the Almighty.” That is no small claim to make. There aren’t many things worse than forsaking the fear of our God. Romans 12 says to: “Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.” When we do rebuke our friends, not only should we do it in kindness and love, but also with honor. For example, if we have a friend that has been “stretching the truth” lately, the good friend thing to do to would be to have a kind and loving talk with them about them. But if we decided to call them out in a group of people, would that be honoring to them, or possibly humiliating? I would say, the latter. Therefore, if we are to honor our friend, we should take them aside and talk to them in private.
Being a good friend takes effort. Finding good friends, maybe even more so. But having people in your life you can count on is too important not to make that effort. Ecclesiastes 4:9–12 states:
Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.
This passage is often used to describe marriage, but it absolutely applies to friendship as well. I cannot tell you how many time I have fallen and had many arms lift me back up. Or how about when an “enemy” has been at my gates and my friends came to my aid.
I know finding friends can be really hard nowadays. So, if you need some help finding good friends, take it from me: You’ve already got friends at Messiah Texas!
